Political unrest. government scandal. corruption… extortion! What do all these things have in common? They are perfect targets for satire! In Sitting on Cold Porcelain, readers will find an amusing, perceptive, and laugh-out-loud take on the state of our country and our world, on celebrities and politicians, and all the news events that make us roll our eyes and groan.
Its satirical essays include “Giuliani’s Gaffe Could Qualify for Political Darwin Award,” “Rush Limbaugh: The Don Rickles of Radio,” “State of The Union 2010: Bitch-Slapping Congress,” “Islamic Cleric Declares Jihad on Mickey Mouse,” “Little Egypt to Run Against Sarah Palin,” and “Who Moved My Mascarpone?”
You will also find Rose’s hysterical consultations with her friend, Mrs. Giordano, a South Philadelphia Malocchio (evil eye) doctor. Mrs. Giordano bloviates in Italian and is the Italian equivalent to the ‘Numa Numa Guy’ in front of the TV when she watches The O’Reilly Factor.
LESSONS FROM STANLEY THE CAT
Dr. Jennifer Freed
Seduction is just the practice of artful stretching.
Never let people know how fast you are.
Appear slow in all things, and less is expected of you.
When someone is on the computer too long, help them by distracting them, or walk lightly on their keyboard.
So advises Stanley, a remarkably astute cat with a keen eye for the important things in life. Perhaps you don’t have time for yoga, can’t afford therapy, or wouldn’t dare cry to mother. If so, let Stanley be your guide. Lessons from Stanley the Cat offers wise and witty maxims from Stanley himself, translated by his doting psychotherapist (human) parent, Jennifer Freed. Whether you’re a cat lover or prefer companions of the canine variety, Stanley’s warmth and insight are sure to brighten even the grayest days.
Tom Samuels’ book, Stop Making Music, contains 136 essays that deliver contrary opinions on the music business. They are written in the voice of an arrogant nitwit who wrestles with “evil” musicians, songwriters and producers. Read each essay carefully because you will be asked if you “agree” or “disagree.” No one goes unscathed…not even the beloved Beatles. Where else could you find an Off-Broadway play based on the life of KoRn? You will be required to actually think about the current state of the music industry. Reading this book is an illuminating journey that will help you to understand why you are a music fan. There is a lesson to be learned in each chapter…a satirical, funny lesson that you will never forget.
In Guide to Pirate Parenting, Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall provides everything you need to know to turn your little powder monkeys into happy, healthy buccaneers! Cap’n Billy answers difficult parenting questions, such as:
* At what age your child should be able to remove a bottle cap by taking out his glass eye and using his eye socket?
* Which offense requires administering The Flying Dutchman Wedgie?
* How do you prevent sogging the quartermaster?
* What is the best place to maroon your disobedient child?
* How do you remove chewing gum or a giant octopus from your child’s hair?
* What’s the difference between “plundering” and “pillaging?”
* How do you convert your minivan into a pirate schooner?
* When should you smack your teenager in the side of the head with an oar?
Each information-packed section ends with “Your pirate’s progress,” a short quiz that shows whether your child is reaching his or her pirate development milestones.